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What To Do If Your Ex Dumped You Unexpectedy
There is nothing worse than an unexpected breakup, especially when you thought things were going well between you and your ex.
The sudden shock of not knowing why it happened coupled with not knowing what to do next makes unexpected breakup SO much worse than mutual ones.
Most of us have been (or will be) stuck in a place where our ex unexpectedly dumped us, so today, I’m going to tell you how to process that and what to do next.
In my experience, people tend to want one of two things in the wake of an unexpected breakup – they either want their ex back, or they never want to hear their ex’s name again.
Honestly, both reactions are equally valid when your ex breaks up with you out of the blue, and I’m not here to judge you for your reaction.
In fact, I’m going to do something unique here and address people feeling both those emotions right now because regardless of what you want to do next, you’re probably asking yourself the same thing – why would they break up with me so unexpectedly.
What Is Wavelength Theory?
Simply put, when people get into a relationship, they start finishing each other’s sentences and have this uncanny sense whenever something’s wrong with their significant other.
However, sometimes there’s a disconnect between two people, and that completely breaks down any kind of emotional communication.
Usually, this disconnect is caused by a lack of cues you’re picking up.
In other words, your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend is dropping subtle hints, maybe not verbally but with their body language, saying something’s wrong.
You may even ask them what it is, but they don’t respond or say, “it’s nothing,” and you just take them at their word and just move on.
When you ignore these cues and stop prying about what’s bothering them, you’ve changed the trajectory of the wavelengths you both were operating on.
In other words, what really goes on in unexpected breakups is that there’s a key piece of information that your ex had, and you were missing, and they used that as the catalyst to break up with you.
So today I want to talk to you about how you can get better at picking up these cues, and I’ll address the ultimate question:
What Do All Men Want Out Of A Relationship With A Woman?
All men really want is someone who can find their unsolved problems and solve it better than anyone else.
Sounds simple enough, right?
Actually, it’s a bit more complicated.
Most of us don’t really listen well, and it doesn’t help that most men try to actively avoid talking about what’s bothering them.
Therefore, you really need to hyper focus on your listening skills to read between the lines and pick up on cues they might be sprinkling around.
Psychotherapy research shows that when individuals feel listened to, they tend to evaluate and clarify their own thoughts and feelings openly.
In addition, they tend to become less defensive and oppositional and more willing to listen to other points of view. This can get them to Financial Cheating in Marriage
A stash of money in the bottom of a cookie jar probably isn't going to destroy your marriage. But realizing that your spouse cheats on you financially could be the beginning of the end of your marriage. In an already troubled marriage, financial infidelity could be what makes you decide to call it quits.
One of the common warning signs or red flags in a marriage is lying about money. Even though one in three Americans admits to lying about money to their spouse, the issue is too important to avoid. Small lies about finances can lead to even more damaging behaviors in your marriage.
According to a survey described in a 2011 article, Is Your Partner Cheating on You Financially? 31% Admit Money Deception by Jenna Goudreau... "Over half of all financial cheaters admitted hiding cash (58%) or minor purchases (54%).
Of the offenders, 30% have hidden a bill, 16% have hidden a major purchase, 15% had a secret bank account, 11% lied about their debts and another 11% lied about the amount of money they earned."
"Boston-based family therapist Carleton Kendrick has been counseling couples for over 30 years and says money deception has become a huge issue in the last decade. Kendrick says the chief reasons people lie about money to their partners are pragmatism, control, guilt, and fear. The pragmatic lie may result from planning an eventual split and not wanting the other to know how much money is available.
Financial infidelity for control may include revenge spending, as one partner overspends to prove their independence or to get back at the other for something lacking in the relationship. Knowingly irresponsible behavior may cause guilt and embarrassment, so the person attempts to cover it up. Deceit may also occur because they fear their partner’s reaction to the truth."
A Few Financial Cheating Red Flags
These are some things to watch out for if you suspect your spouse may be financially deceiving you.
What to Do About Financial Infidelity in Your Marriage
Here are some ways to work on fixing this issue with your spouse.
Create an Open Dialogue
Don't bury your head in the sand. It's time to have a difficult and serious talk about your finances with your spouse. Tell your spouse about any feelings you have about lying or being lied to about your finances. Your concerns, guilt, anger, panic, sense of being betrayed, embarrassment, helplessness, etc. You need to be heard by your spouse.
Have a weekly discussion about the state of your finances. It doesn't have to be long, but make time to check on your accounts together and talk about upcoming bills, issues, goals, hopes, etc.
Move Forward With Positive Changes
If you are the cheater, admit you made a mistake, stop lying about your finances. Make a decision to be honest, open, and to keep your promises. Accept your responsibility for bringing financial infidelity into your marriage. And sincerely apologize.
Be realistic about what can and can't be done to salvage your financial situation. Set up separate checking accounts along with a joint account. Decide together how much you can each deposit in the personal accounts and a joint account. It is important that you both agree that those funds are yours individually to do with what you want.
If these suggestions don't help, seek financial and/or marriage counseling. Lying, hiding or being secretive about money is a big marriage "no-no." If there is a problem in regard to this, it is time to fix it with respect and integrity. calm and logical place where they can actually be open to what you’re saying to them.
MOMENT WITH SENJOE
